


Love is a Promise

by sonictrowel



Series: Long Night in the Blue House [11]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Emotional Sex, F/M, Feels, Flashback, Fluff and Mush, Hurt/Comfort, Mushy, Porn with Feelings, Romance, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-29 20:20:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10143230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonictrowel/pseuds/sonictrowel
Summary: River could see the Doctor expected her to be cross with him. ... And cross might have been quite an understatement for how she would have reacted, before New Rule One.  Before those first weeks in the “cocoon,” when they holed up together in their bedroom, trading a comforting touch for each whispered confession.{mostly flashback, extremely mushy smut, feelings talk}





	

 

 

Oh, that man.  Always a step ahead of everyone— including, sometimes, himself.

River could see the Doctor expected her to be cross with him.  At some point in the future, he would apparently hop back to the earliest days of this galaxy, and somehow rig a magma-based cooling system around the molten metal core of a little uninhabited desert planet.  In doing so, dooming said planet to remain a hostile desert (and/or tundra) for the rest of its existence— but a desert/tundra with, quite possibly, the longest day in the universe.  All to make their night together as long as the laws of physics could possibly allow.

And cross might have been quite an understatement for how she would have reacted, before New Rule One.  Before those first weeks in the “cocoon,” when they holed up together in their bedroom, trading a comforting touch for each whispered confession.  

 

That first night, they laughed and flirted and teased across the dinner table, delighting in how easy it was to be with each other, and in the dizzying promise of twenty-four years.  Every time he quirked an eyebrow at her and smiled, her stomach fluttered.  It had always been so natural with him, at any age, with any face; almost instinctive.  Despite whatever lingering doubts and fears River had, they were bespoke.  They fit perfectly together.  Being with the Doctor was always simply right.

After dinner they returned to the TARDIS and parked her up on a cliff, overlooking the towers.  The Doctor turned back from the console, those heavy brows drawn down and his blue eyes twinkling, a soft smile on his lips.  It was so very easy to fall in love with all of his faces.  

They didn’t speak as he guided her to their bedroom, one hand resting at the small of her back and the other lightly clutching her elbow.  River leaned into him, her head buzzing with anticipation.

Their room was just as she remembered, the bookshelves and vanity stuffed with a chaotic mixture of his and her things.  The Doctor looked only at her, drawing her over to sit on the edge of the bed beside him, their knees touching and hands clasped together.  His bright eyes gazed straight into hers: determined, unguarded.  Not hiding or shying away.

 _“River.”_  That gruff Scottish voice, low and soft and sincere now, put so much that went unspoken into her name.  Just as he always had.  “I, I think I’m still rubbish at this.  I don’t have a face for talking about things or— or for _feelings._  I’m a prickly, cross old bastard.  Can’t stand people, don’t know how to be nice.  Not sure if I’m even good.”  He sighed, his shoulders slumped. 

“But I want to do this properly.”  He fixed his eyes on hers again.  “I’m _going_ to do this properly.  Not going to run anymore— not from you, River.  Not ever.  I promise you that.” 

She nodded, a lump in her throat, and squeezed his hands.

He exhaled and closed his eyes for a brief moment.  “It’s been a thousand years for me, since I last saw you.”  

His soft words rang in her ears like the cloister bell, leaving her frozen and stunned.  

The Doctor raised one hand to her cup her face, holding her gaze.  “I’ll tell you everything, I promise, but I need to tell you now— there’s been no one else.  I could never,” he swallowed, “I could never love anyone else, River.  And I’m the biggest fucking idiot in the universe for not telling you every _fucking day_ how much I love you.”

She gasped and choked on a sob, somewhere between laughter and tears, and the Doctor raised his other hand to her cheek, gently cradling her face.

“I’ll prove it to you, honey.”  His voice wavered with emotion and she couldn’t help smiling at the sound of the old endearment in his new mouth, even as his callused thumb wiped away a hot tear that had spilled onto her cheek.  “I promise.  I know it’ll take time.  I’ve been a coward and it’s my fault you don’t believe it.  But I’m not going anywhere.”

He was looking at her with such naked devotion.  “You… you don’t seem too rubbish at this, darling,” River managed to choke out.

“Yeah?”  He smiled softly, looking genuinely pleased and so adoring, and the love swelling in her chest felt like it would make her heart burst if she couldn’t find some outlet.  Her watery eyes fell to his lips, and she looked up again; a silent question.  His smile spread, and he closed his eyes and the short distance between them, stopping just a breath away from her.

“Thousand years,” he mumbled, licking his lips.  “I— I might be a bit rusty.”  River wrapped her hand around the back of his head and pressed her smiling mouth firmly against his.  His lips opened immediately to her, the taste and feel of his kiss so achingly familiar; soft and warm and slow and deep, at once passionate and so careful.  He pulled her closer in his wiry arms until she was half on his lap, her heart pounding and stomach fluttering.

They fell back onto the bed together.  The Doctor carefully removed the pins from her hair and smoothed his fingers through her curls.  River pushed off his jacket, unbuttoned his shirt, loosened his cravat.  He drew down the zip of her dress, his hand trembling only slightly, and his lips moved to her throat, her earlobe, her collarbone.  For once they moved without the franticness of knowing they’d soon have to part.  Finally they had time.

“This body hates touching,” the Doctor said matter-of-factly as he trailed his palms reverently over her bare skin, “doesn’t like to hug or even hold hands.”  His moist breath ghosted over her breasts, raising gooseflesh in its wake, while one warm hand clutched her hip and the other slid purposefully down past her navel.  “You always did know how to keep me right, wife.”  His lips closed around a nipple as his fingers brushed between her thighs and she cried out softly, her hands flying up to grip his shoulder and tangle in his hair.

“You always did need me to show you what you like, husband,” River teased breathlessly.

She felt his smile against her skin.  “You.”  He moved his lips to her other breast, leaving a trail of hot kisses along the way.  “I think I like anything, as long as it’s with you.”  

God, only he could make her such an emotional mess and so turned on all at once.

The Doctor raised his face to look at her, burying one hand in her curls.  His other continued to work between her thighs, fingers moving with practised familiarity.  Her legs trembled with slowly building urgency, her heavy-lidded eyes fluttering shut.  A thousand years without her, without being with anyone like this _,_ but her husband had never forgotten how to touch her.

He pressed his lips lightly to her cheeks and chin and forehead and her nose, and all the while his deep rumbling voice muttered fervently to her between kisses.  “I love you, River.  I love you, I love you.  I’m gonna keep saying it til you’re sick of hearing it.  I’m going to tell you til you’re begging me to shut up.  I fucking love you.”

Tears streamed down River’s face as she laughed, jolts of pleasure singing through her body, her head dizzy with joy.  She felt lighter than air, pinned safely under his warm, pleasant weight; a tangle of wonderful contradictions.  His lips sought out hers, his fingers moved just a little more firmly against her, and she was thrown abruptly over the edge.

Her moan was muffled into his mouth as she arched into him, arms clutching around his shoulders and hips bucking helplessly into his hand as her release rippled through her.  Finally she collapsed back on the bed, tearing her mouth from his to catch her breath.  But the Doctor only slowed his rhythm slightly, continuing to softly but insistently circle his fingertips against her oversensitive nerves.  Her whole body shook from the intensity of his gentle touch.  She moaned and pleaded without really knowing what she was saying, panting and shuddering, until another wave crashed suddenly over her, even stronger than the first.  She cried out and writhed under him, gasping his name.

When River stilled this time, utterly spent, he slowly withdrew his hand.

 _“...Rusty?”_ she panted, when she could manage to speak.

The Doctor’s mouth quirked up into a smug smile.  “Well.  Out of practise.”  He leaned in and kissed her slowly, languidly, sucking gently on her lower lip.  “Never stopped thinking about you, about this,” he rumbled, warm by her ear.  “Not the sort of thing anyone forgets.”

Emotion and arousal tripped over each other in River’s overwhelmed brain and she could only make an inarticulate whimper in response.  

He kissed her again, more deeply, and she sighed through her nose in contentment as their tongues met in a slow caress.  Her hands slid down over his hips, and he laughed into her mouth when she gave his arse a squeeze.  His laugh trailed into a rough moan as she reached between them and took him in hand, stroking firmly.  She tilted her hips up impatiently, guiding him into position, but he held still there, rolling his hips just enough to nudge and slide gently against her.

The Doctor pulled slowly back from her kiss, lips lingering warm and soft on hers before he finally broke away, his heavy-lidded eyes drinking her in.  He braced himself on one hand while the other cupped her cheek, and River gave him an encouraging, tearful smile, fingers sliding through his hair.  “I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you,” he whispered in return, eyes crinkling, face shining with affection and awe.  He fought to hold her gaze as he pressed slowly forward, and River studied every nuance of change in his expression, committing the moment to memory.  

His lips parted just slightly and his brows knitted together in concentration.  He exhaled shakily, trembling a little as he inched ever closer and deeper.  He moaned and she sighed when he was finally fitted fully and perfectly inside her, nudging firmly against a deep, sensitive spot that made her breath catch in her throat.  No matter his body, it was always perfect.  They belonged together, just like this.  

The Doctor’s eyes were shining and red-rimmed as he looked down at her, pupils wide and dark, one hand smoothing over her curls.  “Missed you,” he rasped, his voice choked with emotion. 

_A thousand years,_ River thought, tears welling in her eyes again _._  There was so much to say.  But now they had time.

She threw her legs over his hips and her arms around his shoulders, clutching him close to her, burying her face in his neck as little streams of tears flowed over her cheeks and into her hair.  The Doctor wrapped his arms behind her raised shoulders, holding her curled up into him, one hand cradling her head.  He kissed her temple softly as he began to rock into her, pulling back only the slightest bit and pressing hard and deep on the return thrust, as if he couldn’t bear to separate their bodies for even an instant.  She matched his rhythm, rocking her hips back against him and moaning his name, the concentrated friction of their limited movements driving her higher with every firm stroke.  

“You never embarrassed me, River,” the Doctor muttered suddenly into her ear, strained and urgent.  Her heart leapt into her throat.   _“Not once_ did you ever embarrass me or disappoint me.  How many years I’ve regretted ever saying that…” he pressed his lips into her hair.

“I know why you did,” she whispered.

“No,” he said fervently.  “There’s no fucking excuse.  ‘Never cruel nor cowardly.’  Broke all my promises with the one person who matters the most.  I’m so sorry, dear.  I’m so sorry.”

“Forgiven,” she breathed into his ear, clinging to him more tightly.  

He groaned as he strained to push impossibly closer, snapping his hips up at an angle and making her gasp.  She felt drunk on love and overwhelming sensation, his every word and every little movement fanning the fire rushing through her veins.

“I was terrified to be loved so much,” the Doctor said softly, lips brushing her cheek.  “And terrified to tell you how I felt— how I feel.  Just a scared, stupid, cruel, selfish old bastard trying to have you and keep you at arm’s length all at once.  It’s no excuse, but it’s because I didn’t deserve you.  Knew I couldn’t stop myself ruining your life.  It was already done.”

River shook her head in protest against his shoulder, but couldn’t find the words to speak.

“By the time I figured out what a sodding moron I’d been, I’d taught you to do the same.  Couldn’t show me you were hurt, especially when it was my fault.  Couldn’t accept what you mean to me.  And I just ran away.”  He sighed heavily, and she could feel the weight of his regret.  “Well fuck that.  And hiding the damage, that’s not you, River, that’s the damage I did.  Rule One is fucking rubbish and I’m not doing it anymore.  It’s out.  Okay?”

“Okay,” she whispered, her voice shaking.

“New Rule One,” he panted into her ear, “is Rule Seven.”

River thought of the first time they met.  When he knew everything about her, when he was in love with her even as she killed him, before she even knew who she was.  When he was prepared to give everything for her, and she saved him by giving everything herself.  

“Never run when you’re scared.”

“Never, ever again,” the Doctor said.  “I promise.  No running, no hiding, no lying, no lashing out.”  He circled his hips slowly and her body tensed around him, fluttering on the edge.  “I’m still a grumpy old selfish bastard,” he muttered, “but if you’ll have me, River— I’m yours.”

“Yes,” she said, placing her hands on either side of his face and leaning back to look into his glittering blue eyes.  This time when he smiled at her, face lit up with adoration, she could see his younger self shining through so clearly.  They had made plenty of mistakes, but it had always been true: she had always been loved.  He leaned down to kiss her with desperate enthusiasm, and picked up the pace of his thrusts.  She whimpered into his mouth as each deep stroke pushed her closer and closer— and then she shuddered and gasped, her muscles squeezing him tight and liquid bliss radiating from every inch of where they were joined, spreading out into a pleasant burn in her fingers and toes.  

When River was aware of herself again, the Doctor was still holding her, kissing her face, rocking his hips slowly and gently and drawing out the sweet aftershocks, whispering loving words into her ear.  She turned her head to place a hot, sucking kiss to his throat, soothing it over with her tongue, and his breath caught, his hips stuttering.  She stroked her hands along his back, trailed her lips to the junction of his neck and shoulder, and gently bit down on the sensitive skin as she arched up into him.  His whole body stiffened above her and he groaned loudly into her neck, the desperate, ecstatic sound sending a thrill through her.  He shuddered, gripping her tight, until finally the tension left him all at once and he was a limp, dead weight on top of her.

“Christ,” the Doctor said, breathlessly.  

“Alright?” River asked, stroking his hair, smiling a smug little smile.

He huffed out a laugh.  “Fucking spectacular.”  He pressed a kiss messily to her cheek, trembling slightly with the effort of even moving his head.

“Me too.”  She beamed up at the ceiling, bleary-eyed, body heavy and aching in the most wonderful way, her spirit weightless.

 

Not every talk they had over the ensuing weeks was as painless as the first, but the Doctor was true to his word and denied her nothing.  He was brave and honest in the face of questions that she knew terrified him, and it became increasingly less awkward and difficult for him to pour his hearts out to her in words rather than gestures.  There were so many years to cover, so many hurts to soothe.  And so, so much time to make up for.  They ate occasionally, slept occasionally, but mostly they held each other, talked, cried, made vows and promises, and made love until it felt like nothing could hurt them anymore. 

 

And so, when River realised the lengths that the Doctor had gone to, or would go to, so that they could spend these twenty-four years together, she remembered the hurt she felt on their wedding day, when he had looked at her so coldly and told her that she embarrassed him.  She remembered, too, his new, older face, tears filling his blue eyes as he held her close, his voice heavy with pained regret as he told her that he never meant it; never stopped wishing he could take it back.  That he’d been scared of how much she loved him and was willing to sacrifice for him, because he felt so unworthy.  That he lashed out and tried to run, instead of being brave for her.

She thought of how she had doubted that this man, her husband, had ever loved her.  She thought of how completely and utterly devoted he had been these past years to banishing those doubts from her mind.  Of his pained eyes as he kissed her mended wrist, and how she’d reacted just as coldly then as he once did.  Of his desperation as he told her “Not one living thing is worth you.”  She thought of all the mistakes and missed chances, and how they had all brought them to this wonderful place where they had a real life together.  Of all that he had done and would do to give them this life.

The Doctor looked down at his feet as he admitted his discovery, waiting for a scolding.  She threw her arms around his neck and whispered “Thank you,” and felt the hesitant smile spreading across his face, stretching at the cheek that was pressed against hers.  

His arms wrapped around her waist as he said, with such sincerity, _“Anything_ for you, my dear.”


End file.
